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As a self-professed wordsmith, it’s always thrilling to learn a new one–especially one that’s visually evocative of what its actual meaning. That word is “clawback,” and maybe people in the financial industry knew (and dreaded) it, but it was news to me–until I saw it in font on CNBC (with the sound off) while trying to work off some New Year’s celebrating on the elliptical. Definition: taking back bonuses from corporate executives. In these times, that means executives who ran their companies and their shareholders into the ground. People like Lehman Bros. Richard Fuld, who walked away from that nuclear financial implosion with $484 million in salary and bonuses, and was unrepenentant when testifying about it before Congress. And here’s an alternate definition of “clawback:” what most Americans are doing to maintain the same standard of living they had at the beginning of 2008, much of it the responsibility of the greedy bastards trading bundled mortgage debt, derivatives and other arcane financial instruments–while regulators looked the other way– that have left our economy in a shambles.

This Madoff Ponzi scandal just keep getting uglier. And meanwhile the guy’s probably having caviar at lunch on Park Avenue right now. What’s really sad are the agencies and foundations that help people in need going under because of his greed and avarice. Yet, it’s so easy to see why people and organizations got sucked into the “Made-off magic.” Many investments–like bundled high-risk mortgage securities that have brought the economy to its knees– are just too complicated for most people to understand, or really care much about, as long as they’re getting those monthly statements showing they’re making money. I’m not sure if Madoff was issuing fraudulent statements, but it’s also sick that the SEC ignored legitimate and multiple complaints about his investment practices. Thanks, soon to be out-the-door Christopher Cox.  What were these “regulators” doing? Like so many of the Bush aministration, where it counted, they were asleep at the switch.

The whole thing also brings to mind a rich, snobby, arrogant (former) friend. You know the type: so self-centered and entitled that they were proud (instead of embarassed) of their pre-schooler who would demand lobster for dinner–and told the story countless times, as if the kid had received straight A’s in kindergarten or had achieved something/anything aside from being a brash little entitled brat, a spitting image of his parents.  This person, who had just bought a $6 million home but was constantly worried about running out of cell phone minutes and inflicted this bizarre obsessiveness by making every conversation rushed and tense, would always brag: “Oh, my uncle invests all of our money.” Uncle Bernie? Ha ha. Maybe no more lobster for the tyke.

It was probably like meeting Daniel Radcliffe before the first “Harry Potter” film. Or, more analagous to meeting Brad Pitt before he broke out huge with “Thelma & Louise.”  I had a chance to speak with “Twilight” star Robert Pattinson recently–one on one in Beverly Hills hotel room without any handlers present–after seeing the film at a special screening the night before.

If not, I probably wouldn’t have recognized the hot, young British actor without the dramatic makeup he sports on screen–except for that trademark hair, which he did keep playing with throughout our talk. He was dressed casually in a grey V-neck long sleeve shirt, black jeans and boots and like most Brits, was very self-effacing with a dry sense of humor.  We didn’t get a chance to go into details, but he’s been living a low-key lifestyle in LA, driving around in an old car and going out to hear a lot of live music.

So here’s what he said about the hair: Pattinson:  I haven’t changed my hair for, like, years.  I’ve never really had a specific look in mind.  It is what it is… [laughs.]  I don’t really style my hair.  It’s so funny, a friend of mine from London came over and said, “Why is everyone going on about your hair all the time?”  Everyone has hair like that in London.  And around the world you see people with hair like that, so I don’t see it being different at all.  As soon as people started saying that’s his (Edward Cullen’s) trademark I thought I should have them shave my head as his trademark.  I’m trying to convince them to shave my head for the second movie.  Atkin: Seriously?   

Pattinson:  Yeah. [laughs]

It’s got to be challenging, to say the least, to go from being an unknown actor/musician like Pattinson was to being the object of screen teen/tween girl love/lust, and I hope he’s able to rock with it.

You can read the entire interview here: 

http://www.fandango.com/commentator_exclusiveinterview:robertpattinson_203 

The big day finally arrives, and after waiting in line at your local polling place, what better way to get you through a night of watching election returns than a free cup of Starbucks coffee? That’s right, the McDonalds of coffee is offering everyone who says they voted a free cup, and this brilliant marketing ploy is already generating contfoversy over its legality. But here’s the deal: unlike some other restaurants or services offering “election specials” today, no proof of voting is required, so it isn’t technically a violation of voter laws. Much, as I like to diss ‘bux with its multitude of locations a block away from each other, I’m actually quite fond of the blended coffee frappuccinos and the canned Double Shots, which I always carry while traveling to quickly jolt the jet lag.

Between them, Rob and Chad Lowe have survived several scandals.  Anyone remember Rob’s three-way sex tape from a long-ago Democratic convention? How about the nanny scandal? And poor Chad. First Hilary Swank forgot to thank her then-husband during an awards acceptance speech and then outed his substance abuse during their divorce. But the handsome bros were all smiles as they graciously accepted the Hollywood Entertainment Museum’s Legacy Award from Cali First Lady Maria Shriver at the Esquire House. Maria, sporting a beehive from her Halloween getup as Sarah Palin, said she knows something about legacies in her family, and that she knows Rob and Chad will pass theirs along to their children…

OK, so I’m stuck in bone-crunching, mind-numbingly inching along traffic going from Santa Monica to Century City at 5:15 pm. Totally stressed out, it was  a trip that ends up taking almost an hour. Just stupid, but typical, and pity those poor souls who have to brave this every day. Whether you scream, swear, chain-smoke, lay on the horn, talk on the phone, check email, listen to books on tape. music, read or put on mascara, it just doesn’t work. Here’s what you also don’t do: call 911!  That’s what John McCain’s idiot brother–who?–where did this guy come from? did at 2 a.m. in suburban DC. Called 911 to complain about the traffic on Interstate 495. When the operator questioned why he would do that, he told him to fuck off. Then the 911 guy called back and got Joe McCain’s voicemail: “Sorry I can’t come to the phone. I’m working on an important family political project.” Guess he’s not any more.

Only two more weeks, and then she’ll be gone, consigned to the pantheon of great SNL characters throughout the years, at which point Ms. Fey can focus all of her attention on 30 Rock. But it’s been a gloriously fun ride….and the real governatrix’s appearance Saturday brought SNL its biggest ratings in 14 years. For those too young to remember, that was when Nancy Kerrigan hosted and queen of soul Aretha Franklin was the musical guest. The numbers were so huge that SNL was actually the the third highest watched program of the week, after DWTS and CSI. Hey Sarah Palin: I “betcha” could get a talk show gig after the election. Or be a hockey mom lipstick spokesmodel.  Anything but VP, or, god forbid…..P.

…that Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. No, it was when Kirk Gibson hit that surreal, cinematic, mind-blowing, life-changing homerun at Dodger Stadium, making for one of the greatest all-time sports moments in history. Now we’re headed to the stadium for Game 5, determining whether the boys in blue can pull it out to stay in the game and possibly get to the Series for the first time in 20 years. Unbelievable pressure!

As we used to say in the news business, “You can’t make this shit up.” Just days after John McCain shocked the nation with his choice of veep running mate–that sly old dog–it’s revaled that Alaska governor Sarah Palin’s 17-year old daughter, Jamie Lynn Spears, or Bristol, is pregs by some guy named Levi. As an advocate of abstinence over sex education, guv’s girl obviously wasn’t listening to mommy. And the net is abuzz with rumors that the 5-month old youngest Palin child is really the girl’s, that Sarah was covering for her by faking her pregnancy, that she went out of her way to have the kid in some backwoods Alaskan hospital where there isn’t even a record of it. I’m betting lots of money that whereever the truth lies, this decision is going to come back and bit McCain in the ass.

Poor Michelle Obama. She’s been painted by the right as an unpatriotic, angry black woman, but she held up under scrutiny during her 15-minute speech at opening night of the DNC in Denver, looking picture-perfect in everything from her hair to her shoes.  But Jon Stewart was right about the kids: they needed to zip it a bit.  Sure to be an embarassing, yet cute, moment for them later on in life.  Unscripted? Who knows…

But Michelle looked none too happy during Hillary Clinton’s speech the next night. In every single camera cutaway–and there were many–she was technically smiling but looked more like she was gritting her teeth.  And the eyes….those angry eyes….

No reason for all the tension: her man won, fair and square.