Jon Stewart doesn’t normally find himself smack dab in the middle of a massive tabloid scandal. But that’s exactly what happened when Robert Pattinson was scheduled to appear on “The Daily Show,” ostensibly to promote his new film “Cosmopolis.”
So what did Comedy Central do? Promote the hell out of it, of course. For anyone living under a rock, meaning anyone who hasn’t been in a supermarket checkout line or online in the last few weeks, it was Pattinson’s first appearance since photographs of his girlfriend, Kristen Stewart were published, showing her in heated embraces with the director of her last film, “Snow White and the Huntsman.”
That guy, Rupert Sanders, is married with two kids and even though it has never been “officially” acknowledged, “Twilight” lovers Stewart and Pattinson live(d) together in Los Feliz as boyfriend and girlfriend.
After reportedly escaping to Reese Witherspoon’s place in Ojai to avoid the intense scrutiny in the aftermath of this all too public betrayal and apology, Pattinson surfaced yesterday in New Yorkf or the premiere of the David Cronenberg-directed film and his tête-à-tête with Stewart.
“Robert Pattinson will be here to talk about the Olympics, but all of you Twi-hard fans will have to spend the next 15 minutes listening to VP jokes,” Stewart cracked at the top of his show, reminding the legions of movie fans who were probably tuning in for the first time that it was a topical comedy show, mostly dealing with politics and the media.
Stewart, true to his word, then launched into two segments worth of jokes about newly anointed Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan, including a bit where Ryan’s blue eyes flashed, kind of like a vampire’s.
Then, to much less audience noise than anticipated– probably because tickets to the show are still one of the toughest in town and are nabbed well in advance – Pattinson took the TDS stage looking none the worse for wear in a turtleneck and shiny blue suit.
“What have you been doing?” Stewart began and then doled out two melting containers of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. “Here’s the problem with my show. We don’t have a freezer. Hey, I’m worried about you,” he said to Team Edward.
Pattinson admitted he was cheap and had not hired a publicist, but that the time was probably right. “I think you’re confused about what the show is,” he told Stewart, deflecting attention. “This is a Twilight show.”
As Stewart gleefully proclaimed that he could feel himself trending on Twitter, he kind of got to the broken heart of the matter. “The last time I had a bad breakup, Ben & Jerry’s got me through. Boy, you’re better off. Kick her to the curb,” he advised in a falsetto girl voice.
Without really addressing the situation that has millions of girls and women around the world pining for him, Pattinson put on his serious acting hat and talked about what an interesting experience “Cosmopolis” was for him. He said he wants it to be bigger than “The Dark Knight Rises,” but that’ll be tough because it’s only opening on six theaters. “I want all the Twilight fans to go out and support it,” he said, while Stewart urged them to buy tons of tickets and sit on each other’s laps.
“I know you’re going through a weird thing,” he told Pattinson, in an understatement as large as the breaking scandal.
And now, this morning, RPAtz ringing the bell of the NYSE. Yes, his stock is going up, while Kristen Stewart’s is crashing.
